Law of Grabity

Welcome, boys and girls, to the new, improved, culturally nationalised science class. Today, we are going to learn about a most famous scientific Law first propounded by a great Indian scientist, Ishwar Navitun 12,000 years ago, and later plagiarised by one Angrezi upstart, Isaac Newton, and now reclaimed by us. This famous Law invented by the great Indian scientist is called the Law of Grabity, and it was discovered when the great scientist was sitting under a mango tree and a mango dropped from it and fell on his head. Now, boys and girls, if a mango had fallen on the head of anyone belonging to aam janta – Ha, ha! That’s a joke! – the person would have invented a recipe for aam ka achar. But because the mango fell on the head of the great scientist, he invented the Law of Grabity. According to the Law of Grabity, Bharat Mata – ie, Mother India – exerts a kind of magnetic force which attracts everything, from mangoes to human beings, to come to grab it, which is why it’s called the Law of Grabity. It is the force of grabity which, over thousands of years, has irresistibly drawn so many different people, starting with what some say were the Aryans, to come to Bharat Mata. It was grabity which made Sikander, also known as Alexander the Great, come to India, and then the Mughals, and then the British, who stuck around here for a good – or, rather, bad – 350 years. Then we Indians said Dash it all! It’s our grabity, and got together and chucked the Brits out, and under the Patent and Trademark regulations took out a copyright on the Law of Grabity. Which meant that, thenceforth, Bharat Mata was up for grabs only by us, and no one else. And tomorrow, children, we learn about that other great Indian scientist, Alwar Unisteen who invented the Theory of Relativity, which means the more relatives you have in high places, the more you’ll progress in life. The Theory of Relativity’s famous formula is E=MC2, in which E stands for Enrichment, and M and C stand for Mamajis and Chachajis squared ...